The Hague - German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder has filed libel charges in the World Court against the American musical group Steely Dan.

The thin-skinned Chancellor, who only last year filed libel charges against German newspapers for reporting that he dyes his hair (which he does), is claiming in papers filed with the court that Steely Dan's song "Pretzel Logic" defames "the noble purity of the most important German foodstuff." Mr. Schroeder also claims that the group's song "Two Against Nature" implies that "he and French Premier Jacques 'Iraq Jack' Chirac have engaged in carnal relations of a variety originating in the Greek peninsula." Additionally, Mr. Schroeder claims in their song "What a Shame About Me" that Steely Dan has "composed a thinly-disguised roman a clef implying that the Chancellor of all the Aryan peoples is a failed clerk at the Strand Bookstore in New York City who regularly cavorts with members of races who have less-than-totally-pure German blood."

Spokesmen for Steely Dan said that they cannot comment on the case since it is currently being litigated. DJ Adolf and Jimmy Katzenjammer, the famous German hip-hop producers of such classics as the "Horst Wessel Song Remix" and who are the Honorary Chairmen of the German Society for the Racial Purity of Pop Music, said in a news conference today that they hope this case will once and for all "remove all non-Aryan influences from jazz, blues and hip-hop music." "Besides," said DJ Adolf, "Everyone knows that the blues originated in the Rhine River Delta outside of Hamburg."

The four-times married and notoriously womanizing Chancellor is said to be in seclusion in his Berlin bunker where he is recovering from the third in a series of penis-extension operations. If his lawsuit is successful, Mr. Schroeder says that he will use all of the money to invest in Nigerian email pyramid schemes in order to jump-start the German economy.