NEW YORK – A stunned worldwide audience watched as U.N. Inspectors issued their comprehensive findings in its search for the U.N., only to announce that they had, in fact, no evidence to prove the U.N. actually exists.

“Reports of the ‘alleged’ U.N. Resolution 1441 are unsubstantiated at best,” reported Chief U.N. inspector Jean le Claire. “Furthermore, we have no information regarding any activity involving this so-called “United Nations” in the Persion Gulf region at any time in the last forty years.”

Speaking from a very large building in New York City, le Claire added that “we are encouraged by the discovery of more than 300 headsets, yet there is no verifiable proof that this IMAX theater serves as a world-governing diplomatic body…The limousines are purely for celebrity transportation, as far as we can tell.”

In related news, the White House announced that the rest of the world would not be getting its deposit back.