Ames, Iowa - Mulford A. Barlow, an accountant for the Schneidemann Meat Packing Company and an amateur saxophonist, is suing the Selmer Musical Instrument Corporation for an undisclosed sum of money for what he is terming “gross violations of an implied contract.”

Mr. Barlow’s attorney, noted civil rights lawyer Ron Kuby, alleges in papers filed today with the 2nd Circuit Court of Central Iowa that “in their glamorous print advertisements that feature beautiful women gazing longingly at men playing the saxophone, the Selmer Corporation creates the expectation that all one has to do to gain favor with said beautiful women is to purchase and learn how to play one of their extremely expensive saxophones. After spending more than $6000 on a Selmer Mark VII Eb Alto Saxophone and assorted accessories, as well as two years’ worth of private lessons, my client, Mr. Barlow, is no closer to going on his first date than the day he passed his CPA exam.”

Saxophonists around the world have rallied to Mr. Barlow’s cause. David Sanborn and Branford Marsalis have organized “Sax Appeal,” a 12-hour live telethon that will raise money to help defray Mr. Barlow’s legal costs and will air on the Fox and ABC networks next Saturday starting at 8pm/7pm Central. Especially noteworthy is former President Bill Clinton’s offer to testify on Barlow’s behalf as an expert witness on the unrealistic sexual expectations placed upon saxophonists. “We’re all victims of a sax-drenched society,” said the former President during a meeting of the Renaissance Society at Hedonism II in Kingston, Jamaica. “TV, radio, movies, video games. It’s nothing but sax, sax, sax.”

For his part, Mr. Barlow is said to have become disillusioned with the saxophone and is giving it up in order to concentrate on the accordion. “There are some hot babes who go every week to Polka Night at the local Moose Lodge,” said Mr. Barlow from his bachelor pad in his mother’s house. “Who knows, I just might get lucky.”