PARADISE – A visibly frustrated Supreme Being made His first public statements regarding the recent overturning of anti-sodomy legislation, as voted on by the U.S. Supreme Court last week. Calling the development “yet another heartbreak for humanity,” and citing mankind’s obsession with disproving His existence, God (as He is commonly referred to across the globe) released the following statement:

“It is with careful (and perfect) consideration that I re-declare sodomy a sin against My will, and do hereby vacate such ruling made by the United States Supreme Court in the matter of Lawrence v. Texas, in which this abomination was declared a privilege of privacy as outlined somewhere in the United States Constitution. Don’t ask me where. I know for a fact the word “privacy” occurs not once – but my name – the great “I am” – is clearly cited in the Declaration of Independence, which was a bit wordy for My taste – but who am I to say?”

The rambling (but perfect), infinitely-binding decision comes as states grapple with the issue of legalizing gay marriage without alienating the relatively few people on earth who still believe that God gets the final word no matter what.

“Contrary to popular belief, there is no expiration on Holy Scripture,” stated the All- Powerful, Almighty Lord. “Do I need to refer you to specific references that may apply here? Where do you think the word ‘sodomy’ comes from? Let’s review…”

Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA), in responding to the unexpected overturning of the landmark decision, called God “a hater”, and questioned the prudence of letting Divinity guide decision-making in Washington.

“It’s time for God to join the temporal dimension,” said Boxer.

“I did already!” shot back God. “For goodness sake, I sent Myself to die a miserable death on a cross just so you could throw this horse manure in my face?”

God issued yet another call for humanity to turn from its evil ways, and cited numerous celebrities and politicians who are “dancing a little too carefree on the fence of Eternity”.

“They know who they are,” God exclaimed. “I’ve got a maxed out pre-born nursery and have committed to My (perfect) memory the names of every lawmaker and activist responsible for this horror. And, guess what? I’m just about tapped out on patience.”

In related news, San Francisco mysteriously disappeared into the ocean late last night.