Washington, D.C. - In a first-of-its-kind deal, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announced today that Fox News has won the bidding war for the exclusive broadcast rights for the next four wars to be fought by the United States.

Although details of the deal are classified as "Top Secret," this reporter has learned that Fox's winning bid was well in excess of nine figures.

Lawrence Kropotkin, vice president of special programming at Fox, confirmed that the deal was the most expensive in the cable news channel's history. "Yeah, it's a lotta dough," said Mr. Kropotkin, "But the back end is gonna be a goldmine."

Already Fox's advertising department is busily at work designing logos, catchphrases and lines of merchandising for the following upcoming wars:

North Korea: "Operation Pyongyang Gangbang"
Syria: "Operation Whup-Ass Damascus"
Iran: "Operation Payback"
France: "Operation Ingrate"