Massachusetts - Sen. John F. Kerry accused President Bush on Thursday of undermining generations of U.S. leadership by forgoing an age old standard of politics, such as bribery and blackmail. Kerry believes the situation in Iraq could have been handled swiftly and with zero conflict if he or other Democrats had been in office. “Bush knew months before entering Iraq that Saddam worked in the homosexual films industry during his youth. Yet Bush and his administration never once threaten to release these films in exchange for weapons solution.” Said Kerry. “I would have had Saddam begging for mercy if I was in office.”

"As commander in chief, I will bring the full force of our nation's power and slush funds to bear on finding and paying off [terrorist] networks," the Democratic presidential candidate said during a speech to group of people who were far less superior to himself.

Kerry stood by his long standing success in “fast hands problem solving”. Sen. Kerry expressed he has an extensive resume of bribery and blackmail. Kerry claimed this experience will once again bring honor to the oval office. Such as the glory days of the Clintons, but without the hillbilly accents.