Austin, Texas – A slightly scraped and bruised George W. Bush expressed his recent desire to advance military forces, and gain governing control over the Schwinn Corporation. “This might be considered an abrupt decision” said President Bush. “But recent events have led us to believe they are a threat to our country, to our freedom and to our very lives.”
The Schwinn Corporation, which is located in Madison Wisconsin, has ignored requests from the White House to allow inspectors tour its facilities. “I would not say we are ignoring them” claims Schwinn Marketing Director Andy Burntz, “as much as we are just really, really confused.”
“We have given Schwinn 30 days to meet our demands” added President Bush. “If they continue to turn their backs, we will have no choice but to use force.”
President Bush said he would not turn to the U.N. for assistance against Schwinn. “The U.N. is too bureaucratic to act swiftly in situations such as this. This administration learned its lesson last year when they refused our proposal to invade Frito-lay.”
