Boston - Democrat presidential candidate John F. Kerry today strongly denied accusations that he has engaged in incest, sold people into slavery and committed mass murder. A source close to the campaign who wishes to remain anonymous did inform Broken Newz that, while Senator Kerry did occasionally have sex with his sister, sold his neighbors into slavery and participated in the My Lai massacre, these were no more than “youthful indiscretions.”

In related news, at a press conference this morning, when asked when he stopped beating his wife, Senator Kerry replied, “Never…I mean…yesterday…wait…Huh?…That’s a trick question…Right?”