The John Kerry campaign has announced its new slogan: "John Kerry -- he has 57 varieties of answer to every question! And he has voted 57 ways on every bill put before the House and Senate!"

Kerry campaign spokeswoman Melissa Flommerliar said that Kerry and his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, discussed the "burden of such a famous name as 'Heinz'," and felt that rather than fight it, "it was best to just use it."

Flommerliar added that, "since John is getting so much grief from the Bush people, you know, just because he votes several times and in several different ways on every possible issue, and just because he changes his tune on everything, again we thought, 'why fight it?' So we decided to just use it to our advantage. Oh, and we've decided to no longer refer to it as 'changing his tune.' We've decided to call it 'being flexible.' Think how much easier it will be to deal with, say, Al Qaeda, if the man in the White House is flexible!"