Boston - John F. “Frenchy” Kerry, Democrat candidate for President, today denounced the news that over 300,000 new jobs had been created in the American economy in the last month and that job creation figures for the months of January and February had to be significantly revised upwards.
“Almost all of these jobs were in the DPS (Dreaded Private Sector) at good salaries with lots of fringe benefits,” said Kerry during a speech this morning at the annual convention of the American Federation of Non-Essential Public Sector Workers. “It’s precisely these types of non-governmental jobs that are deeply injurious to the American economy. Every dollar that is taken out of the public sector and lost to the free market means one less dollar that can be wasted by a non-essential public employee. And that’s just wrong.”
Kerry then went on to say that he believes that the concepts of “salary” and “wages” are outmoded in a 21st century economy. “I think the preoccupation with money is at the root of many of our country’s spiritual problems,” said Senator Kerry. “Instead of receiving ‘wages’ for ‘services rendered,’ a better paradigm would be putting everyone in America on a weekly allowance. That’s what my wife does with me and it works out great. Of course, I do have to dress up like Little Lord Fauntleroy and let Teresa spank me every night, but, hey, that’s a small price to pay for economic stability.”
