Boston - Speaking last night at the Rally for Gay Marriage sponsored by Boston College’s Barney Frank Institute for Abnormal Sexuality, Democrat presidential frontrunner John Kerry announced that if elected he intends to make gigolo rights an important theme of his presidency.
Kerry, whose first and second wives have fortunes of $200 million and $600 million respectively, told the audience that he “feels the pain” of gigolos.
“I understand what it is like to have to make love night after night with older wealthy women with sagging breasts and varicose veins,” Senator Kerry told the crowd. “I comprehend completely the sexual humiliation foisted upon gigolos by wealthy society matrons, including the wearing of degrading costumes, handcuffs, and appliances inserted into a variety of bodily orifices. Gigolos work hard to access the incredible wealth of their clients, and I believe that a caring America should respect their contributions to society.”
Kerry also announced plans to introduce the so-called “Richard Gere” Act into Congress before it adjourns in the fall. The senator then excused himself, saying that he had to sexually service a number of elderly wealthy widows who had contributed to his campaign the maximum amount permitted by law.
