Washington, DC - While addressing the hastily assembled Executive Task Force on Marital Infidelity today at the White House, President Bush praised the members of the task force and said that they were doing a great job of “shining the light of public scrutiny on those dastardly men who cheat on their wives.” The President also said that “publicizing marital infidelity will make it easier for the American people to prevent adulterers and those who take advantage of young women in their charge from ever assuming high office in our great country.”
Presidential advisor Karl Rove told the audience that it was purely coincidental that the Task Force began its work only two hours after allegations of marital infidelity had been lodged against Democrat presidential frontrunner John Kerry. “It’s just one of those unusual coincidences,” said Rove. “Actually, the President brought up the idea last fall of making 2004 the year of Fornication Awareness. All of this has been in the pipeline for some time now.”
When the President left the meeting he was asked by reporters if he had any comment about the Kerry situation. The President said that he “would not comment about allegations that Senator Kerry has engaged in extramarital sexual relations with a woman not his wife.” The President reminded the reporters that “the allegations that Senator Kerry wantonly broke his sacred marriage vows and sexually abused a young woman over and over again and then paid her off and is forcing her to hide in Africa are just that. Allegations of marital infidelity, rape, sexual abuse, bribery and white slavery.” President Bush concluded his remarks saying, “Until they are proven in a court of law, I will have no comment on Senator Kerry’s Godless fornicating ways. I would just ask for everyone to pray for the poor young woman (or women) that Senator Kerry has allegedly abused, raped, beaten, terrorized, drugged, bribed or sold to the Sultan of Brunei. And if anyone knows of other women that the Senator is alleged to have degraded in any manner, I would ask them to call the John F. Kerry Intern Abuse Allegation Hotline at 1-800-JFK-RAPE.”
