Newark, NJ — Musically challenged rap artist and 2nd Amendment advocate P. Diddy (a/k/a Puff Daddy a/k/a Puffy Combs a/k/a/ Sean Combs) has once again changed his name, this time to Hey Diddle Diddle.

Although Mr. Diddle currently remains unavailable for comment, sources close to the entertainer, known as the “Steppin’ Fetchit of the New Millennium,” say the diminutive rapper’s many name changes are the result of an identity crisis he has been undergoing since having been rejected by actress Jennifer Lopez in favor of a series of caucasians with much larger penises.

Wall Street sources say that Mr. Diddle’s various businesses, including a string of less-than-trendy restaurants and the Sean Jean “negro chic” clothing line, have been experiencing negative growth for five quarters in a row, leading to speculation that the rap star may be changing his name in order to fool bill collectors or to take advantage of an additional free membership package from the Columbia House CD Club.