CHICAGO - Following more than two dozen personal visits to Harpo Studios, and after many more telegrams, bouquets of flowers, and supporting phone calls, author Raymond Kane has updated his fansite to report that there is still no scheduled date for his first appearance on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" during a publicity tour for his latest work, Women Are From Venus, Men Are From Earth.
"We regret to say," began the official statement from Kane, "that Ms. Winfrey and her stellar staff have, once again, unfortunately declined our offer to appear on 'The Oprah Winfrey Show' – as we attempt to publicize this special book…We will continue in our efforts to contact the good people at Harpo, and are confident once their tight scheduling dilemma is resolved, we will have our time to shine!"
The self-described "Relationship Czar", Kane has been hard at work promoting his new book, which sets out to describe the primary difference between the sexes.
"We love our ladies," writes Kane, "but what man has not experienced the exasperation of being told they're poor listeners, the frustration of emotional blackmail, the desperate, 'villainous' moment of rest on the living room couch? What you are about to read will prove, once and for all, that women, truly, are living outside reality – in fact, in another world."
"This book is hot, hot, hot," said Dean Michelson, editor of NASCAR Weekly. "Direct orders through our official website are clearly setting records over our previous champ, 'Honey, I Shrunk the Penis', which dealt with similar issues."
Meanwhile, critics of the book have petitioned retailers Costco, Inc., Wal-Mart, and Barnes and Noble, in an attempt to keep the book off shelves.
"Mr. Kane has a lot of explaining to do," said Norah Simczek, representing the Midwest Chapter of the National Organization of Women.
"This is so typical," adds Karen Jones, career woman, while sipping chai.
"How many times does this have to happen, Mr. Kane?" shouted Delores Yang, sports anchor.
So far, the major retailers have declined to keep the book off their shelves since they didn't plan on ordering copies in the first place.
"We're not out to divide the sexes," defends Kane. "That's already happened. We're here to salvage what's left of the male species. I love women. Love 'em to death! But, God, are they sensitive!"
For their part, Harpo Productions has indicated it does not see a time "in the conceivable future" for Kane to appear with Oprah.
"This is what I don't get. I just don't get it," lamented Kane. "It seems no matter what we do, we're wrong. I'm just trying to get [Oprah] to give us a reasonable explanation. Why?"
Originally published Nov 03
