"I know it's unusual to grant sainthood to someone who is still alive and who isn't even Catholic," said Cardinal Ratzinger, "But when we took a look at his record of personal ministry to young boys with soft skin and supple bodies we all said, 'He's one of us.' And I think it is fitting that Saint Michael will be the patron saint of plastic surgeons and child molesters."

The sanctification Mass of Saint Michael will take place on Sunday, December 14th at Madison Square Garden. Tickets may be purchased online at Ticketmaster and at all Catholic-sponsored bingo parlors in the New York and Boston dioceses. The Mass will be broadcast live on BET, VH-1 and Vatican City MTV, and the guest stars will include the O'Jays, Sister Sledge, the Pointer Sisters and the Fire Island Gay Knights of Columbus Gospel Choir.

"I'm really glad we fast-tracked Saint Michael's canonization," Cardinal Ratzinger added. "The Episcopals were just this close to making him a bishop."

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