The New York Philharmonic revealed a "major blunder" yesterday, when the esteemed orchestra admitted it played "Crush The Yankee Imperialist Then Eat Their Tasty Dogs" during a concert in North Korea last week.
The philharmonic played at East Pyongyang Grand Theater in Pyongyang on February 26th. The event was a goodwill gesture toward the Stalinist regime aimed at establishing diplomatic ties.
"We were handed an untitled piece of music by a rather martial-looking fellow," said an anonymous violinist. "He gave a wry smile then disappeared. Intruguing yet troubling."
The orchestra proceeded to "bang out" a "lusty tune" that had native concert-goers "chanting, prancing, and engaging in other acts of ribaldry."
Rumors that one North Korean "swallowed a Beagle whole" were unconfirmed.
"That's ribaldry?" said a statement from PETA. "Sounds like voluntary dog-slaughter."
Also during the song, North Koreans held up the effigy of an American soldier and "jumped up and down on its head."
"North Koreans...they're so cute when animated," said an anonymous trumpet player. "I took pictures. They do this little walk where they're all stiff-legged and kick their legs out."
Earlier in the concert, North Korean officials pleaded with the philharmonic to play another Pyongyang favorite. Right after Gershwin's "An American In Paris," officials attempted to have the musicians play
"An American's Neck Underneath Our Size-6 Jackboots." Conductor Lorin Maazel politely declined.
The post-Gershwin piece didn't go over well with members of the orchestra. An anonymous flute player was "shocked" when she realized the title of the song. "Unbelievable...Koreans' feet are that small? I
would've pegged 'em for at least a 7.5."
Asked for an explanation as to how a member of the "Axis of Evil" could have pulled off such a major coup, Orchestra President Zarin Mehta said in a press conference, "Oops. Shoulda seen that one coming."
