Regular-hair hos account for roughly 93% of all the hos in the United States, according to a recent Harvard study entitled, "F&^$#ng B&@*&#s: The Inside Story of American Hos."

Nappy-headed hos, meanwhile, comprise only 3% of U.S. hos. The remaining 4% of hos in America include Pacific-Islander Hos, Wheelchair Hos, Lazy-Eyed Hos, Native American Hos, Purple-Haired Hos, Goth Hos, Al-Qaeda Non-Infidel Hos, Lesbian Hos, One-Armed Hos, and Anglo-Saxon WASPy hos."

"It's certainly a motley mix," said one anonymous researcher. "I mean, these f&^$#ng b&@*&#s are categorized to the max...Anglo-Saxon hos! Who knew?!?"

Juanita Walker, a self-described "regular-hair ho" who "washes, rinses, and repeats regularly," expressed dismay that the "only hos on everybody's mind lately" were of the "nappy-headed variety."

"I speak for all hos out there," Mr. Walker said. "We feel your pain. Your country has forgotten you. But cowgirl up! Hos of the world, unite!"

LaShonda Muxford, a "nappy headed ho" to her very core, said it "was about time" us nappy-headed types received our much-deserved accolades. Although, according to sources, she didn't use the term "accolades" because she "has no f&^$#ng clue what that word means."

Jill Black, a Goth ho who once masqueraded as an Anglo-Saxon WASPy ho, said it's time the "nappy-headed hos" relinquished their current soapbox and let "other hos" speak truth to power. "If not," said Mr. Black, "I might have to wear dark eyeliner and ponder suicide."