In a posthumous act of "corporate hubris," former
Enron workers received notices that they're
responsible for "all costs" involved with Kenneth
Lay's funeral, insider sources said yesterday.
"Holy shit, doesn't this guy show any mercy?" asked an
Enroner, incredulously. "I can't even insult him
now...I'm reduced to urinating on his grave!"
A little-known, small print (font size .00000012)
clause in all Enron employees' contracts stipulated
that, whenever their corrupt boss would die "basically
of shame" for "defrauding all you buggers," they would
be billed for the cost of the funeral.
Mr. Lay's funeral exceeds most other funerals with its
extravagant security apparatus, including a 10-foot
high spit shield for hocker-happy Enroners and two
armed guards to prevent "abuse of a corpse."
Mr. Lay, the 43,221st Most Evil Person In History
(right before Aaron Spelling and right after Attila
the Hun's great-nephew), is regarded by most elite
media outlets as the Most Evil Person, Ever. Except
Hitler and Karl Rove, of course.
"This bill says I owe $4,000 for the flower
arrangements," said another former Enroner. "Well,
Mr. Lay can go to hell…wait a minute, he's already
there!"
Whereupon a passer-by dropped a quarter into the
former Enroner's tin cup at his feet. "Another
hundred-thousand episodes like that, and my retirement
funds will be replenished!" said the Enroner.
