NYFD To Offer Free Guns To People Considering Suicide
7/14/2006
- Barley Cirius
In order to protect the public and themselves from 'sickos' like the doctor who blew himself up in his office on Monday, the New York Fire Department (NYFD) has decided to provide a free gun to anyone contemplating suicide. In extreme situations members of the NYFD will actually pull the trigger on suicide candidates for a small ($50) contribution to their 9-11 scholarship fund. Not to be outdone, the New York Police Department has announced they would be willing to beat someone to death for $25 and make it look like a mob hit.
NYFD Chief Sean O'Malley said they initially plan to purchase just five high caliber handguns and one box of ammunition. "Since we'll be recycling the handguns after each use we think five handguns should be sufficient to get this program off the ground", said Chief O'Malley. The Chief said his department will be conducting a contest for kids to rename the tentatively titled "Don't blow up your house -Blow your brains out" program to something a little less graphic. Some of the early entries include: "Burn in Hell NOT Your Apartment" and "One in the Head and Your Dead".
