General H.B. Combs received the request. He said, "All day long I receive letters from people who hate the U.S. policy of torture, so when Mr. Thomas came into my office I swelled with pride at the sight of a real patriot with true American Values. I honored his request to bring our beleaguered program into the civilian market."

The U.S teamed up with a book publisher to create "Frommer's Guide to Torturing Your Broad While Abroad."

Mr. Thomas said, "The first thing I want the skilled interrogators to get out of my wife is who she's been cheating with. Cause I know she's been cheating. Then I want to know where she hid my porno mags."

General Combs said, "Pornography is one of our highest priorities. Our interrogators create pornography everyday with the naked pictures of our prisoners. There are lots of favorite poses "the naked pyramid, the naked guy stack" but it's only once in a while that a true Auteur comes along and thinks of having a naked guy take a picture of us taking a picture of him. It's one of those "art mirroring life" moments that touch you deeply and let your soul know that you're doing something great."

Mr. Thomas does not have health insurance in the U.S. so after many beatings of his wife they were unable to afford treatment. Mr. Thomas said, "One of the great things about this program is that after her injuries are inflicted, Europe's Universal Healthcare will nurse her back to health for free. Just in time for her to come home and cash her paycheck so I can go to the strip club.