After Ken Lay died of natural causes his ashes were flown to an undisclosed Offshore Bank southeast of Bermuda. His final wishes were to be laid to rest with his loved ones; so jewels and cash are to join him. On display in a bank vault he and his fortune will embrace each other for eternity. His visiting hours will coincide with Bank hours excluding Bank holidays.
Although he was found guilty of embezzlement but not sentenced, the deceased Lay is technically innocent, giving one final screw to the thousands of employees who lost their futures and retirement funds.
An Enron Recovery Fund Lawyer said, "We wish his family all the best during these tough times and hope that their beloved Ken will for eternity feel the billions of dollars he took, shoved up his rectum one penny at a time."
Rupert Murdoch flew to Bermuda and had this to say about Lay, "The locals in this previously poor Caribbean city hail Lay as a God. The billions of dollars flowing through this community's banks helped to revitalize the town. Running sewage ceased, schools were built, fathers found work, and children for the first time had hope for a better life. Before you smear this man, just think of this town's drop in teen prostitution and sexual assault… That's what MySpace is for."
A phone call to this reporter from the Enron Vigilante Force revealed startling new information. A disguised voice said, "The cost of killing Ken Lay— $400,000. The cost of a Medical Examiner to declare it 'natural causes'— priceless."
