In a stunning reversal of policy, Vice-President Dick Cheney has invited the openly shunned Jack Abramoff bird hunting. The Vice-President said he doesn't mind that Mr. Abramoff is currently embroiled in scandal; Cheney just wants to "help him get away from things." Cheney noted an attribute the pair shared. "I've heard that he has a talent for wandering off. That would make him an ideal hunting buddy. I've also insisted he forgo the neon orange vest for his traditional black trench coat and fedora. I just want him to feel at ease."
When Cheney was asked why he thought this trip would help heal the nation being torn by scandal he said, "I thought Jack and I would toast the future by looking through his photographs of the President, him and I. I've insisted he bring the negatives too, so that I could blow up some of those pictures for the hunt club's wall."
Cheney commented that he thought the two might one day become family. "There's no denying Jack's spy-wannabe good looks," Cheney said through a smirk. "I've been looking for a good man for my daughter… any man to be quite honest."
The two will enjoy a fun-filled and constitutionally blest weekend together. "Too bad," Cheney admitted, "you can only die once for your Country."
Others in Washington want Cheney to extend an olive branch to the other side of the aisle and take some Democrats with him. Dick "Trigger Finger" Cheney says he's leaving that invitation open.
