"We're not surprised about his desire to wipe us off the map," said an anonymous Israeli official. "What's shocking is that the stinky bastard would bother to wipe his own derriere."

Ahmadinejad, whose name President Bush is still "months away" from pronouncing, made "controversial" comments about two weeks ago when he said Iran would "wipe Israel off the map." The fruitcakey leader of Iran followed up yesterday saying "Charmin just might be in my future...I plan to wipe my ass as well!"

The announcement was called a "significant event" for the Iranian people, especially high-ranking government officials.

"The Israel thing is nice," said an anonymous mullah. "But the ass-wiping news is even more welcome. Mahmoud doesn't break out the al-Charmin too often, and let me tell you...those tense cabinet meetings in the hot Persian summertime get a tad unbearable after his bathroom break."

Ahmadinejad's "dual wipe" speech marked the first time in world history a president simultaneously described his hatred of another country and his rather weak personal hygiene skills, analysts said.