Coach Andy Reid suspended Owens yesterday for "conduct detrimental to the team and acting like a fourteen year-old girl."

Owens, who has acquired the biggest ego in post-Napoleonic history, will put his time off to good use by penning the latest book in the popular "Complete Idiot" guides. The books are popular with people who enjoy letting other people know they're a complete ignoramus on a given subject.

The book was to be titled "How To Lose Friends & Alienate People," but that one was already taken. Owens didn't want to add "plagiarist" to his quickly-growing list of negative labels.

Owens hops to "inspire a new generation of annoying, narcissistic wide receivers" who hope to one day "play for an NFL team, tick off everyone, then get suspended."

"We think TO is the perfect guy for such an endeavor," said an anonymous publisher of "The Complete Idiot" series.

Psychologists say Owens's behavior is part of a disturbing pattern called "Wideout Angst," a condition that afflicts talented NFL wide receivers. "Victims" include Keyshawn Johnson (well-chronicled troubles with Jon Gruden), Randy Moss (hilariously squirted a referee with a water bottle), and Jerry Rice (perhaps the greatest player in NFL history who tried to shamelessly gain street cred with those awful corn rows).

"You don't see offensive guards affected by this kind of behavior," said an NFL team psychologist. "QBs and RBs can get a little cranky, but nothing like these haughty wide receivers."