Jumping at the chance to show that all that French opposition to the Iran War was water under the bridge President Bush promised to help France with its youth riots by naming Smokey (the Bear) as special envoy to France. "We're gonna send out dear friend Smokey over there to help France with their fires. We also have McGruff (the crime dog) and 50,000 'Don't mess with Texas' bumper stickers ready to go on a moments notice", Bush said. Reporters asked Bush if he felt the riots posed a threat to the Chirac government. Bush wryly replied, "Does Smokey poop in woods".
Meanwhile, French President Chirac plans to lead a delegation to the United Nations to have Italy withdraw its offer to help France combat the Muslim youths. An outraged Chirac said, "I have got enough problems, now I am going get Italian troops. What are we trying to do, appeal to their sense of humor? We need beauceau money to rebuild these areas". The International Red Cross reports that donations for France were trickling in and then they just stopped all together.
In reports reminiscent of Hurricane Katrina, cable news outlets reported seeing thousands of homeless in the riot torn areas, undrinkable water, and a repulsive stench permeating the area. They later retracted those statements saying they forgot they were in France. A report that the fires were doing millions of Euros of improvements was thought to be a cruel joke. Meanwhile, Al Jeezera said France was falsely accusing Muslim youths for the fires and instead reported the U.S. was to blame for the fires.
