"It's not gonna be easy to get many clues, I don't think…" Chief Wigham said as he scratched his head, "…mostly 'cause his accident disrupted the space-time continuum a little. I mean, we once had a case where one of the locals at the plant wandered into another dimension, but nothing like this."

What little is known comes from anecdotal evidence, relayed by people that were standing perilously close to the edge, but managed to avoid getting sucked in. Having a firm grip on reality was the only thing that stood between them and the infinitely dense bullshit below.

Evidently, while on one of his patented "no-spin" tirades, O'Reilly became so overbearing in his quest for fair and balanced dialogue with his guest, that his baseless rhetoric and rhythmic cadence began to reflect back, mesmerizing their own creator. This is according to leading physiopolitical pundits, who have theorized about the possibility of just such a phenomenon, and its drastic yet serendipitous implications.

"One minute we're sitting there, running the usual tests, you know, to make sure he still believes the stuff that comes from his mouth. We'd just finished checking to see if his brain was shrinking - we do that at the start, middle and end of every show - when our worst-case scenario suddenly started looking pretty damn good." Dr. Muggles, who spoke on condition of complete recognition, continued. "We never really thought it could happen; it was just sort of a euphemism we tossed around the lab, to postulate what might happen if Bill ever went up against…Bill. But Jesus Christ, when the basic molecular structures in and around O'Reilly started to collapse, and the wind started shrieking, I knew we were in trouble!"

Witnesses claim the entire experience either "occurred instantaneously" or "lasted forever"; depending towards which side of the fence they were leaning at the moment of breakdown. Those rooted firmly in the Rational Universe, and outside the puzzling clutches of the infamous No Spin Zone, clearly had a better view. "It was nuts!!! He got himself whipped into such a frenzy, it was like he started to argue with himself, like that scene in Fightclub, where Norton kicks the crap out of himself, only with your mind, dude," said cameraman Rufus "Zoom" Dittibop. "And all of a sudden, right before IT happened, he got this weird look on his face, like he was knowing everything and nothing, all at the same time. And then IT happened…."

"IT", according to researchers (as well as other people with strong opinions on the subject), was nothing short of a total collapse and disintegration of Bill O'Reilly's universe, and a darn close call for ours, as it turns out. Bob Rednefe, a scientist, explained. "In layman's terms, as far as we can tell, the precipitating event was the glaring reflection of his own nonsense, catching Bill square in the noodle. It would have been the astrophysical equivalent of him looking directly in a mirror, and having to face himself. Like reaching the speed of light…all the rules disappear. Einstein would have been proud."

Most interviewed seem to believe that had enough physical mass been leaning on that delicate fence, our universe could have easily been sucked in and destroyed. Thankfully, this was not the case. But the instant was not without tragedy.

"There was a whole group of lemmings lining the inner perimeter, eagerly awaiting their daily spoon-feeding," recalls Jim Cretemore, "and when the 'Zone' began to crumble and near infinite thickness, they were swept away and swallowed whole, like defenseless guppies. I always said they stood too close to the TV."

A spokesman for Fox News Channel commented on their loss. "First of all, I want to say that legal has advised me to caution that this event likely nullifies all contracts. Obviously we're all a little shocked from the realization that Bill, out of sheer arrogance and perseverance, created a tear in the fabric of the metaverse. And it's going to take some time to digest the whole thing, and to figure out how best to fill the slot. But I know this: if Bill made it to another realm without turning to jelly, then he's probably slinging his unique brand of bullshit to some group of hopeful suckers right now. Stay tuned to Fox for a live car chase, coming up after these messages."