Each one of the 'new' items has helped me to become the functioning human being I am today.

My latest evolutionary step in the last year has been text messaging via my cellphone. No longer do I have to 'hope' I'm going straight to someone's voice mail. Now I have the ability to just leave quick notes without looking for an excuse to get off the line.

'Don't forget to feed the dog'

'What time are you off?'

'What did the free clinic tell you?'

Text messaging is not only efficient……but fun.

How can it be easier? Well, I am now a T9word'er. I have officially mastered this sleek tool for texters.

But wait. How do THEY get to decide what is proper English? In my book….they are way off.

Often I am leaving notes to co-workers. We are all to busy to hold actual conversations and not in front of our computers enough to IM. Often my texts are just like this.

'Dude, I totally don't wanna be here today'

Note that wanna is an acceptable word in T9

'Are you gonna quit today?'

Gonna is also acceptable.

'I am so fucking hungry'

Fuck, though profanity, is in the phone dictionary…..so I tend to use it a lot.

'I'm so tired of this shiv.'

Shiv? Turns out Fuck is okay…Shit is not. Shit is FAR less offensive in my eyes.

Penis, Whore, Tits are out

Crap, Ass, Bitch are all acceptable

But no Dick. To me this is odd, because I know people with this name. How do they suggest I text these folks? I know you can add words to your phone's dictionary...but I am more of a defaults kinda guy.

Boobs.

Boobs is acceptable. I can think of 10 different reasons in my day I can text the word Boobs

Boobies, though is not. The internet's largest user of this word is included in the T9 dictionary. Fark

Fark, name of the ultra popular website Fark.com, is included. Why would my phone know Fark? Or some of its widely used words

Arse, Asshat, Moran (yes…misspelled moron) and even Walken can be found as prompted words in T9.

Someone there is a Farker.

Other daily used slang (not all by me…..I swear)

Bling – No

Diss – Yes

Phat – No

Biatch – No

Shizzle – No

Nizzle – No (as if one would be without the other)

Dude – Yes

Perhaps some of these are regional? Or just not accepted as present day communications. But as I close out, I feel I must T9 my exit.