"It's utterly absurd!" decried the high-ranking official from the Orange camp. "One minute we're sitting pretty in the limelight (pardon the colorful pun)," he said, "and the next thing we know, we've been all but forgotten, usurped by that bastard. Just because it's a primary color doesn't mean Yellow is any more important to this great nation than our beloved Orange."

This turn of events, coming just before an impending attack on Iraq, has left Orange, along with the rest of the spectrum, shocked and bewildered. Many argued that the timing for this kind of color regime change is simply all wrong.

"We're about to go to war with an alleged sponsor of terrorism, and the brain-trusts in D.C. decide to that this is the time to lower the threat level???" asked Chris Cretemore, a resident of Manhattan. "It's nuts. For starters, what am I supposed to do with all that duct tape and plastic shielding? Is Tom Ridge going to reimburse me for that stuff? I don't think so."

The reaction from the Association of Threat Level Colors (ATLC), the presiding body for the upper half of the rainbow spectrum, was equally harsh. Beth Carmel, current president of ATLC, commented on the present state of affairs.

"We knew we were in a heap of trouble the minute this new system of alertness was introduced, and the creators decided to stray from the established ROY G BIV order that has been in place since the dawn of light. You just don't do that. I don't care if Green has come to be associated with "go" or "all clear" in our confused society…we're not talking about traffic lights here…we're dealing with national security. If you're going to implement a five tone system, then you've got to stick with the standard, and place Blue at the bottom."

This sentiment was echoed around the country, with many people most concerned for the children, who may be confused by the radical shift, having learned the colors according to the time-tested rainbow acronym cited above.

But this was just one of many dilemmas revolving around the recent change. The downgrade has also thrown the entire threat level range of pigments into general disarray.

"Not only has Orange been thrown into a tailspin, but the entire association is up in arms," added Carmel.

There appears to be great concern among the group that with this constant oscillating around the middle, neither end of the color domain will ever be reached. This quandary is especially troubling for Red (Severe Threat) and Green (Low Threat).

An advisor for Red, who could not be reached for comment, seemed to speak for both parties.

"When the hell are we gonna get our chance to shine?" demanded a visibly irritated Red team member. "So I suppose we and the Green camp just sit here like a couple of jackasses in limbo – that's just great. Who knows, maybe we won't be up to the task when the U.S. finally needs our services, or maybe we'll just be too busy, and people will be forced to figure out how scared or comforted to be all on their own."

The only thing for certain, it appears, is that only time – aided by the keen vision and problem-solving capacity of our great leaders – will tell.