Dr. Julius Verne, NASA project director for "Deep Impact", sheepishly confirmed that the probe's collision has altered the comets course and it will strike earth on Thanksgiving Day 2055, give or take 50 years.
The $330 million probe, designed to gather scientific information on the possible origin of earth will likely be instrumental in the death of earth. Dr. Verne is preparing a paper titled, "The Big Boner Theory", to explain this foreboding calamity. He pleaded with reporters that " based on NASA's recent history of failures they never in a million years thought they'd actually hit the sombitch". How were we supposed to know that a little bitty washing machine size probe traveling at 6.3 miles per second would hurt anything", he added. He went on to say that NASA would lobby Congress for $5 billion to try and get the comet back on its original course.
When reporters pressed Dr. Verne to be a little more precise on the when the comet would strike earth, Dr. Verne replied, "Your guess is as good as mine". Newsweek, Time, and New York Times science reporters were speculating that Karl Rove was behind the destruction of earth and would begin calling for his immediate resignation.
