A German lawyer is filing a lawsuit against American
and British soldiers for treating captured German
soldiers' copies of Mein Kampf "like a rented mule"
during the Second World War.
According to sources close to the case, the lawyer, a
man named Wolfgang Kleinerschmidt, has become
emboldened by recent reports of Americans abusing the
Koran. Mr. Kleinschmidt sees "a potential goldmine"
in legal compensation for soldiers who had
their "guiding texts cruelly neglected."
Mein Kampf, presently a popular text in Turkish
bazaars, was Adolf Hitler's foray into literature
before he attempted world domination. The book
describes the author's anguish over withered German nationalism, the "growing Jewish menace," and other assorted complaints. Many soldiers in the German Army carried the book with them into battle.
According the Kleinschmidt, captured Germans were
forced to watch while American soldiers "looked at the
book in a menacing manner" and also "threatened it
with matches."
The Brits, meanwhile, "applied a variety sordid
methods to Hitler's tome." Kleinschmidt said that
Germans soldiers told of a particularly gruesome
act that "involved peanut butter and scissors…and Mein
Kampf didn't come out of it looking pretty."
"The British were savages with the book," one former
German soldier said from his home in Rio de Janeiro.
"Their toilet work puts these Guantanamo amateurs to
shame."
But Kleinschmidt should meet stout resistance, and not
just from defense attorneys. "Mein Kampf is a sorry
piece of work," said one anonymous author. "For prose
that bad, it deserved to be roughed up a little bit."