Note from staff Sometimes, life effortlessly outpaces art. This
story actually happened, according to a rumor in late
2005. A west coast businessman was going to market
the toilet, but a local chapter of the Better Business
Bureau convinced him to halt production, citing bad
taste. Apparently, the almighty dollar DOESN'T trump everything in America. So...for our Muslim friends out there, let it be known this satire is not intended to offend, but simply chronicled a story that was floating about late last year.
An American toilet manufacturer is currently designing
a new model that will "flush the bulkiest of Korans,"
sources said yesterday.
A spokesman for Krap King, Inc. said the company would
have the new "Islamoflusher" model in stores for the
spring, when Americans do their most flushing – sacred religious texts included.
The new toilet would "help prevent and possibly
eliminate" situations like the recent Newsweek story,
which reported that American interrogators at
Guantanamo Bay flushed a Koran down the toilet to
"intimidate" suspected terrorists.
"The toilet backed up when the Koran clogged it," said
an anonymous Krap King employee. "A detainee
witnessed the whole thing, and...BAM! Next thing you
know, there's 17 dead and hundreds injured during
anti-American rioting. Our toilet will prevent such
incidents. If an interrogator puts a Koran in, that
sucker ain't coming back up."
Newsweek has since retracted the story, but Krap King
is proceeding nonetheless. "Preventative measures,"
said an anonymous employee. "Plus, this is the toilet industry's big chance to shed its aura of obscurity and really make a splash."
The ACLU released a statement denouncing the toilet.
"This toilet shall accommodate Talmuds and Bibles,"
the statement read. "And we're checking
into sacred Hindu and Buddhist texts, too. We will
not have the toilet industry marketing their product
for the sole purpose of humiliating Muslims."
"We've gone after Big Tobacco and Big Oil before," the statement continued. "There's no reason why we won't confront Big Toilets on this issue."
"If Krap King can make an extra buck by being able to
flush all the major religious books," said another
employee, "get ready for our Atheist 4000 model."
