Smith was introducing a performance by Kanye West, an innovative new rapper, when she uttered "such a disoriented jumble of words, grunts and shrieks," it made Ozzy Osbourne sound sober and composed by comparison.

"We're baffled," said an (of course) anonymous CIA analyst. "This is more mysterious, more puzzling than anything from bin Laden or al-Zarqawi. The only thing we can say is that she wasn't speaking in Arabic."

An AWA poll taken immediately after the show reflected Smith's confusing speech. 79% of viewers said they "more clearly comprehended" West's ensuing performance than Anna's bizarre podium antics.

"We picked up a couple 'bitches' and 'mutha$#@&ers' from Mr. West," said another CIA analyst. "But Ms. Smith gave us nothing to work with."

The only information the CIA did learn was that Smith "set back the cause of blondes another decade or so."