These sources report that, earlier in the evening of November 2, family members engaged in a violent shouting match after taking a vote on what toppings to order on a carry-out pizza from the local Domino's. An anonymous family member said that a faction headed by President Bush and his parents voted for the Meat-Lovers Pizza, while another faction that included Laura Bush and the First Twins voted for pineapple, banana peppers, and extra sauce. President Bush immediately challenged the right of "that fella whatizname, that groupie-boy sittin' next to Jenna over there" to cast a vote that would have resulted in a tie. To Jenna's and Barbara's cries of "That's so, like, unfair!" the President immediately claimed victory and declared, "Ah consider this a mandate. Meat pizzas for everyone!"

The family source went on to say that, when the pizzas arrived, Jenna and Barbara started to whine about "leaving and going down to Canada." Finally, the source said, "Grandma Bar got so disgusted with them that she tackled them and started force-feeding them pizza while yelling, 'If your mother won't stuff some good conservative womanhood into you, I will!' Grandma Bar then started in on them for 'making an idiot out of me with that lame Sex and the City crack at the RNC.' It finally took five Secret Service agents to drag her off." George Bush senior then excused himself for the evening, saying the whole sordid scene was "making his eyes tired."

At this point, said the source, Karl Rove stuck his head into the room and declared, "All-meat pizzas are essential to a hopeful and decent society. Throughout 5,000 years of human history, pineapples have been used for upside down cake, and this President intends to keep it that way."