President Bush stunned political observers Thursday,
announcing that he'd "prefer if the hardcore leftists
out there would stop referring to me as Hitler" and
maybe "tone things down a bit by calling me Genghis
Khan or Attila the Hun."
The National Socialist American Workers Party, the
most frequent users of the Hitler reference, said in a
press release they would "consider Bush's request."
"When I talk about healin' the country, this is the
kind of stuff I'm talkin' about," the president said
at a post-election news conference.
Bush remarked that the Hitler comparisons were
becoming
"a bit hackneyed" and he'd prefer that "during the
next
global trade protest or whatever that I start seein' a
big Attila the Hun float…that would be tremendous."
"We need a fresh start in America, and that goes for
all the peace-weenie, girly-men, dope-smokin',
protestin' faction out there as well," Bush said.
Bush reached common ground with the Democrats on this
issue, as soon-to-be-ex-John Kerry adviser Tad Devine
agreed with the second-term president. "Bush cut a
swath through my party as ruthless as any 13th century
steppe horsemen ever could," Devine said. "His utter destruction of the Democrats actually parallels rather nicely with Mr. Genghis Khan."
In related news, Bush also put Hollywood on his
"military priorities list," meaning action could be
taken against that bluest part of the country.
"It'll be fun," the president said, chuckling. "I
probably wouldn't need the 3rd Infantry
Division...just some California National Guard troops
stomping through Streisand's back yard or something,
or maybe sending a couple helicopters over Robert
Redford's house...you know, we'll kind of smoke 'em
out, get 'em on the run."
