In an attempt to connect with the dozens of still undecided voters, the campaign committees of both President Bush and Senator Kerry have agreed to a more "cuddly" format for the second debate. The informal setting is designed to appeal to voters put off by strict traditional political venues. Instead of separate podiums and rigidly timed responses, both men will relax together on a love seat across from moderator Oprah Winfrey. Officials agreed upon cafe latte and chamomile tea for beverages with mugs instead of cups, and the scented candles will no taller than six inches and may either be vanilla or potpourri. The coffee table will have no centerpiece or doilies, and coasters should be neutral colors.
Ms. Winfrey was chosen for her skills in drawing out the intimate, human side of celebrities, along with the fact that she could easily afford to hire both candidates to rake her yard and clean the pool. Upon hearing about the choice of Oprah as moderator, the President responded, "Ain't she the nice lady that gives out the Pontiac cars? I'm there!" Senator Kerry launched into a rambling narrative about having lost his medals in the cushion of the love seat in the stern of his swift boat in Cambodia, which was immediately disputed by veterans groups.
A perturbed Dan Rather produced a copy of a fax of a disciplinary Post-It Note from a TV station in Chicago where Winfrey once worked, which reportedly stated that she had stolen toilet paper from the office bathroom and habitually sniffed Wite-Out. When Internet bloggers discovered that the sticky notes were not on the market at that time, Rather retreated into a utility closet and started shredding old newspapers, which he claimed was for his "winter nest."
