Aries
March 21-April 19.
Mooning Trick-or-Treaters instead of handing out candy isn't a good idea. Ever get hit down there with Pepper Spray?

Taurus
April 20-May 20.
Giving out candy you bought at the after Halloween sale last year is bad enough, but telling kids the spider nests in that cheap taffy is a special effect is low, even for you.

Gemini
May 21-June 20.
Geminis should choose a costume theme that emphasizes the twin nature of their personalities-a couple of butt cheeks ought to do it.

Cancer
June 21-July 22.
No judge will consider spray-painting the neighbor's cat black decorating for Halloween.

Leo
July 23- August 22.
Leos should be more careful in romance, or at least more sober. Remember the morning after last years' wild Halloween party? It was kind of a shock finding out that some of your new partner's most appealing body parts were part of the costume!

Virgo
August 23-September 23.
Try to temper your enthusiasm for the holiday. Lunging at tots with a chainsaw last year was bad enough-renting a wood chipper is a bit over the top. That wasn't spilled cider on your front porch, you know!

Libra
September 23-October 22.
Libras always weigh the cost of anything against its benefits. Well, cheapass, what costs more-decent candy, or renting a power washer to get the pulverized pumpkin and eggs off the siding?

Scorpio
October 23-November 21.
Just because you are wearing a mask doesn't mean that you are anonymous. More people know to whom that particular body part belongs than you realize.

Sagittarius
November 22-December 21.
Traditionally, this time of year is when the veil between the worlds is lifted, and the living can contact the dead. See if you can get in touch with you long lost sex life. Maybe getting rid of your breath of the dead would help.

Capricorn
December 22-January 19.
Here's a great prank! Wear a costume, grab a pumpkin, and sit on the front porch of the cheap bastards pretending not to be home. Hand out beers to the kiddies, and make a few "suggestive" comments. The cops are usually pretty busy that night, so you should have time to dash home and watch the fun! As they are being handcuffed, lean out the door and yell,"I told you to leave those kids alone, you pervert!"

Aquarius
January 20-February 18.
You might think it's funny, but telling kids that the urinal cakes are giant Sweet Tarts is just plain wrong. Telling them that the ball bearings you spray-painted are Jaw Breakers is also wrong. Telling them condoms are party balloons is very wrong.

Pisces
February 19-March 19.
Let's go over this one more time-don't try to yank off part of somebody's costume unless you are really sure it IS part of the costume. You made far more enemies than friends last year, and I'd worry about some of the friends.

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