President Bush called Democratic presidential nominee
John Kerry "a horrorist" Tuesday, five days after
debating the Massachusetts senator in Miami, Florida.
Bush was apparently "shaken up" and "somewhat
frightened" after his face-to-face encounter with
Kerry. Republican aides
said the president was "immediately doused with cold
water" after the debate, and also "slept with the
light on" that same night.
"The guy is creepy…downright creepy," the president
said. "Up there on stage with him…I couldn't think straight...all I could think of was...the horrorist...the horrorist!"
President Bush plans to declare a War On Horror, even
while U.S. forces are engaged in a War On Terror
abroad.
"Don't get me wrong," Bush said, "terrorism is a
serious threat to our way of life. But, at the same
time, there's no reason why we couldn't simultaneously
wage a War On Horror."
A White House memo said that while terrorists "aim to
frighten citizens by indiscriminate bombings and
killings," horrorists "aim to frighten just by being
friggin' scary."
"Kerry certainly fits the mold of a horrorist," a
White House aide said. "With that surreal mug
accented by layer upon layer of makeup...all the while
engaging in the most effete mannerisms
imaginable...John Kerry is to horrorism
what Osama Bin Laden is to the terrorism."
In other news, President Bush is "strongly
encouraging" Dan Rather to personally investigate the
recent Mount St. Helens eruptions. "I think he
should get down in the volcano, kinda see what's going
on," the president said.
