Some U.N. election monitors preparing to help conduct
Iraqi elections in January think elections are a good
idea, a memo stated yesterday.
The monitors, from North Korea, Cuba, Vietnam, Iran,
and other dictatorships, will assist Iraqis elect a
new leader in four months, depending on how quickly
the U.S.-led coalition can arrange meetings between
barbaric, blood-soaked terrorists and untold virgins.
Some rumblings from the U.N. also hint the
organization
will monitor U.S. elections this November – ostensibly
to prevent fraud, but in reality to "somehow twist the
votes around so our boy Kerry becomes president."
"Elections...yeah, now that seems kinda cool," said
Guillermo Cortez. the Cuban monitor. "In my country,
Castro always gets like 98% of the vote...I'm starting
to get a little suspicious."
Iran's Abiz al-Arraqwai also thinks elections are a
good idea. "The mullahs in Iran, those chaps aren't
too keen about elections," al-Arraqwai said. "In
fact, since I'm out of my country, I'll just
go ahead and say it...the leaders of Iran are
major-league assholes!"
"Probably get a fatwa declared against my ass,"
al-Arraqwai continued, "but I don't really care at
this point."
The North Korean representative, who requested
anonymity but "probably has a 'Kim' somewhere in his
name," also agreed.
"My so-called leader, 'Lil Kim, makes the mullahs and
Castro look like Winston Churchill," the North Korean
said.
U.N. General Secretary Kofi Annan, when asked if there
"wasn't just a tad of hypocrisy in having Cubans and
Iranians telling Iraqis and Americans how to vote,"
only said the United States "was directly or
indirectly responsible for most of the world's
suffering." Asked where he received such an
opinion, other than 95% of the U.N., Annan said
"Michael Moore told me so."
