President Bush will announce he may grow a mullet for
the rest of the presidential campaign, Republican
aides said yesterday.
Bush is doing it for no other reason "than to annoy
the hell out of the pointy-headed, hang-wringing
intellectual wing"
of the Democratic party.
"Nothing strikes fear into the very heart of these
people like a mullet," Bush adviser Andrew Card said.
"Now give the mulleted man extraordinary powers –
like, say, control of the
United States Army – and it should be fun watching
their heads explode!"
The mullet will be a 1.5-to-8 job, which in mullet
parlance means for every 1.5 inches of hair in the
front, there will be 8 inches of hair down the back.
In keeping with the proper ratios, an anonymous Bush hairdresser said that the president "may opt for 3 in the front and 16 in the back."
"If Tommy Jefferson had a mullet, that's good enough
for me," Bush told reporters Sunday. Thomas
Jefferson,
the third president, is widely believed to be the
first major
figure in history to have sported a mullet, although archaeologists, during a 1924 excavation in southern Russia, discovered a portrait thought to be of Genghis Khan. In the crudely drawn sketch, the man has an unmistakable mullet.
Other mulleted presidents include Andrew Jackson,
James
Buchanan, John Tyler, and Benjamin Harrison.
Bush said he "didn't know nothin' 'bout them fellas"
except maybe Jackson.
"I reckon Jackson was a military commander in the
War of 1912, no?" Bush said.
