In a surprise move Thursday, Democrats recognized
Georgia Senator Zell Miller as a "weapon of mass
destruction," adding that the feisty firebrand
"severely damaged the Kerry campaign."
"Next to Kerry himself, no other person has done so
much to destroy the Kerry / Edwards campaign," DNC
Chairman Terry
McAuliffe said.
In a speech during last week's Republican National
Convention, Miller let loose a determined, methodical
tirade against Senator
Kerry's voting record during the last 19 years. The
speech was fierce enough to start urban legends that
Miller's saliva spewed forth across living rooms all
over America.
"As far as these weapons of mass destruction you're
looking for in the Middle East," said one prominent
DNC official, "uh...you can call off the search...I
think we've found some. They're in Georgia."
Kerry denied reports that he's seeking a fourth Purple
Heart from the criticisms he absorbed. "Although,"
the Massachusetts senator said, "Chris Matthews may
get one."
In a much-publicized interview after his speech,
Miller unleashed his fury upon Matthews, challenging
the talk-show host to a duel.
Political historian Preston Hammond said this is
the "first time in U.S. history a senator has been
likened to a weapon of mass destruction."
In a related story, energy-drink specialists and
statisticians at the University of Oklahoma have
concluded that Miller "opened 26 cans of the
beverage Whoop-Ass before his speech, and
another 12 cans before slamming Matthews."
