Members OnlyŠ Jacket and Apparel maker has reported its worst financial quarter since the company had begun operations in the late 70s. Investors were angered and shocked with this recent revelation due to the previous numbers released in prior reports. ""It appears Members OnlyŠ has become another in the recent trend of unruly accounting," announced Wall Street wizard Richard Blaine "Investors were being led to believe the company was flying high since their hostile takeover of H.A.S.H. jeans in 1999. This we find now was not true."
The last three quarterly reports released to stock holders have shown combined gross revenue of just over $36 million dollars. Investigators have discovered numbers are closer to just over $15.00. Most investors had ignored signs of trouble such as employee lay offs, massive budget cuts, and the decline of members. The last outlet store in Twin Falls, Idaho is due to close its doors in 2003.
Wall Street analysts believe Members OnlyŠ accountants will escape prosecution through clause 134b. Also known as the AOL clause, this allows large companies to forego repercussion from financial misconduct when only preying on dumb people.
This story originally printed 12/13/2002
