“’We’ve Turned the Corner’ was meant to express the idea that our hard-fought efforts in many areas are finally paying off,” said President Bush’s chief campaign strategist Matthew Dowd. “But focus groups have shown that it connoted, at best, Wile E. Coyote stepping out from behind a building and getting eviscerated by a speeding Mack Truck. At worst, it conjured up images of fat drunk Republican conventioneers slinking around under lampposts looking for cheap crack-whore thrills. So, to better convey our message and echo a great theme from our party’s history, Ronald Reagan’s ‘It’s Morning in America,’ we’re introducing the ‘Wednesday’ theme. The average working person can relate to the metaphor of slogging hopelessly through Monday and Tuesday, with Wednesday being a transitional day, after which it’s all downhill to weekend fun!”

Asked whether the Republicans were opening themselves up to snide jokes about “Hump Day,” Dowd hesitated, turned a deep yellowish green, and bolted from the room with his hand clamped over his mouth.

More troubles for the new campaign theme surfaced later in the day when Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family declared “We’re utterly offended by this new slogan. As far as we’re concerned, ‘It’s **Sunday** in America’ - it always has been, and it always will be. This is a Sunday Nation!”

The Democrats wasted no time unveiling their own counter-theme, “It’s Tomorrow in America.” Vice Presidential candidate John Edwards said “No matter what day the Republicans say it is, we’ll always be a day ahead. This reflects the fact that we’re the forward-looking party – our future is our destiny, and our destiny is our future. Tra la la!”

John Kerry continued the Democratic attack during his whistle-stop train tour through the West, saying to a screaming crowd in Kingman, Arizona, as it scrambled off the tracks, “We all know what the nickname for Wednesday is – and that’s just what the Republicans have been doing to this country for the last four years!” Reporters attempted to contact Matthew Dowd for comment, but repeated knocks on his bathroom door went unanswered.