“With the utmost due respect to President Carter,” stated British Prime Minister Tony Blair, “we have the situation under control and will not be needing his services in Iran. However, we do have a bloody-unaffordable housing crisis here in London, and he would be more than welcome to get to work building some townhomes on the cheap.”

Talks regarding the detainees were unexpectedly delayed, preventing their release scheduled for Wednesday. Carter, who has offered to mediate several international crises in his post-presidential public life, told reporters he was “stunned” and “flummoxed” by the reaction of the British Government to his “generous offer to make everything all right.”

Meanwhile, an emergency session of Parliament could be convened as early as tomorrow morning, where a law is expected to be passed prohibiting Carter’s interference with the diplomatic efforts that are already underway, should the Georgia democrat fail to comply.

British sources indicate that the Royal Navy prisoners were visibly shaken by the news that Carter had volunteered to intervene and had received anti-anxiety treatment from Iranian physicians.