 Washington,
D.C. - In a first-of-its-kind deal, Secretary
of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announced today
that Fox News has won the bidding war for
the exclusive broadcast rights for the next
four wars to be fought by the United States.
Although
details of the deal are classified as "Top
Secret," this reporter has learned
that Fox's winning bid was well in excess
of nine figures.
Lawrence
Kropotkin, vice president of special programming
at Fox, confirmed that the deal was the
most expensive in the cable news channel's
history. "Yeah, it's a lotta dough,"
said Mr. Kropotkin, "But the back end
is gonna be a goldmine."
Already
Fox's advertising department is busily at
work designing logos, catchphrases and lines
of merchandising for the following upcoming
wars:
North
Korea: "Operation Pyongyang Gangbang"
Syria: "Operation Whup-Ass Damascus"
Iran: "Operation Payback"
France: "Operation Ingrate"
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