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our Staff |
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 MattRouse- The Big Cheese A shameless attention whore, constantly craving the love and attention he never received as a child, Matt can usually be found trying to somehow get involved in just about everything.
Suggestions for what he should (Or shouldn't) be getting himself in to can be sent to matt brokennewz.com |
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 BillDoty
- Founder
Often called the Patron Saint of Internet Humor, Bill
co-founded Broken Newz with Tad Hayworth in 2001. He is often seen
walking around the office in sandals and shorts, but always keeps
his shirt on until casual Friday. He was a middle child who starved
for attention, therefore he has to create a website just to post his
picture (sad). Now a minor celebrity at family reunions, Bill often
has a difficult time leading a normal life. It would be easier though
if others would just accept a 6'4" transvestite. Fresh off his
world tour, click here
to see Bill's television appearance. Email
Bill or check out his self-indulging site. |
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 TadHayworth
- Washington D.C. Office Mr.
Hayworth joined the Broken Newz international desk as an assistant
copy editor in 1988 and his meteoric rise to the top surprised no
one. He travels around the world enduring many hardships to
bring in the stories. When not on location in faraway places,
Tad works out of the Broken Newz Washington DC bureau. He has
cultivated a network of inside sources in and around Washington through
his charm, gifts, and other means that we won't go into. Suffice
it to say that he will do ANYTHING for the story. Tad has recently
returned from a highly secret meeting where it is rumored that he
was offered the position of Press Secretary to the President of the
new Shadow Government. Email
Tad |
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 JenniferConway - Foreign Correspondent The first female addition to BrokenNewz lineup, Jenn is no stranger to shaking things up. Tackling the tough issues no matter where they take her, she's not afraid to take one for the team. jennbrokennewz.com |
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 GavinHaubelt
- System Administrator
We should just give him the title "Brains" because without
him, none of this would be here. Always burdened with a large task
of items to create or fix (from us touching it) he always manages
to shine. Creative, resourceful, brilliant and taker of the long lunch,
Gavin is a valuable asset to our site. Now get back to work. Email
Gavin |
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 MattMyford -
Worldwide Correspondent
Once dubbed “The 27,392nd Best Blogger On The Internet,” Matt was forced into writing satire ever since he discovered Democrats. With dull wit, nonsensical story lines, poor grammatical skills, and painfully unfunny headlines, he’s somehow been able to eke out a living commenting on social / political issues. He sent so much material to Bill Doty that the co-founder of Broken Newz, in a gesture of pity, hired Matt in mid-2003. Matt is currently in Switzerland on vacation leave but plans to return to France sometime in 2007. As the photo shows, his hair style is still stuck in the early '80s. |
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 JoePeacock
- East Coast Editor I'm currently employed as a bodyguard on a riverboat floting just off the Patomic, the USS Flotsam. My charge is an 87 year old clam digger named Jorge Feld, a pioneer in the field. An attempt was made on his life back in 1997 by a clandestine group of automated clam digging lobbyists, seeking to replace human workers with machines made from cork. Luckily, I just happened to be in the same laundromat as he and was able to save him with my Leatherman tm Tool. We've been inseperable ever since. Oh yeah, I have a cat named Chester. He's a MOUSER.
If ever you are interested in keeping up on my comings and goings, I encourage you to visit my website, http://www.mentallyincontinent.com . It's made from the finest HTML, imported from Croatia. |
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 JakeLoscutoff The artist formerly known as Jake Cougar Loscutoff, has spent his entire extended childhood living the American Dream – the one where you forget to go to class all semester and have a test the next day. Jake likes strained peas and strained humor, long moonlight walks on the beach (by himself), and the great old comics like Jack Benny, Sid Caesar, and Casey Stengel. Jake has been writing for nearly 30 years and only recently discovered that he has no talent for it, but he can't quit now because he's too famous. |
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 RobertKrupto
- Staff Writer Robert Krupto lives in a unabomber shack in south-west Montana. He remains particularly interested in discount pharmaceuticals and penis enlargement, and will presume any emails to that effect constitute an appreciation of his satire. Email
Robert |
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 Nick"IronMan"Klauss
- Sports Editor A hard hitting perspective of today's
sports. Iron Man forms a "fans" opinion of teams, coaches
and players. He knows, because he could have played sports himself
if it was not for an injury in High School. He is not just some guy
off the street, he is not just some whiny basketball player who might
not make 24 million next year, He is Iron Man. The man's man of manly
sports. Be sure to read his Iron Man reports of today's and upcoming
sporting events. For him, there is no rain out. Only sports, and things
you do while watching them. Email
Iron Man |
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 R.B."Happy
Dog" Rippey - Graphics Guru Happy Dog developed
a knack for graphic design when attempting to add anatomically correct
features to the lady's wear models in the Sears Catalog. Happy Dog
has recently added Sharpies to his repertoire of high-tech design
tools, which also include box cutters, paste, and Wite Out. Happydog
Design Studios, located in Central Ohio's famous "Lectric Valley",
occupy hundreds of square inches of attic space above the Bloated
Dragon Asian Buffet, and would like to also acknowledge the vital
role of 12 year old Brian Chin, who scans and faxes the pictures to
Broken Newz when he is not faxing menus to his father's restaurant's
customers. Email
Happy Dog |
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 James
"Scoop"Ladelton - Staff Writer A pillar of the community
known for his charitable work with single moms. Many knew from the
start that this rebellious teenager with a mullet was destine for
greatness. At the tender age of 16 he built his first Tran Am and
by 18 was one of the major Monster Truck player in the Louisiana area
until a severe groining pull forced him into early retirement. He
has since reinvested his truck winning by opening a chain of HotWings
Strip Clubs where patrons can choose items from the extensive menu
such as "feed the kitty extra crunchy chicken" or "lap
dance and a BBQ Breast". Fate showed its hand when Bill Doty
in a chance meeting asked Scoop to break a $5 bill, it was an instant
friendship. After 4 pitchers of beer, 3 "KFC hot buns" and
a free HotWings Gold Membership Card, Bill was convinced that Scoop
needed to be part of the BrokenNewz.com team. His sky rocketing success
has afforded him the opportunity to purchase his doublewide dream
home complete with confederate era decorations. Women this man is
a real catch. |
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 Sparkl'z
- Entretien éditeur (Entertainment Editor) A long
time self proclaimed entertainment expert, Sparkl'z openly expresses
his opinion weekly with us. His pride for his work has brought many
flamboyant and energetic stories to Broken Newz. Sparkl'z journalistic
background goes back many years beginning in 82 when he once roomed
with a writer from Variety. Since then, writing and society has been
a explosive combination flowing through the tips of his fingers. We
look forward to his weekly Hollywood updates and behind the scenes
remarks. Email
Sparklz |
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